Tuesday, March 20, 2007

MRI & update

We reviewed the results of the MRI yesterday, and the news wasn't good. She has extensive damage to both frontal lobes, the Cerebellum, and about 85% of the mid-brain. There are also numerous areas of the brain elsewhere that are damaged extensively. If Tara lives, it's likely she would either be in a persistant vegitative state, or have the intellectual capacity of a 6 month old. Myself, Kevin, my dad (Jim), my mom (Sandra) and Kevin's dad (Jay) all met to discuss what we would do. Even though it's extremely painful, we agreed that we would remove the life support systems and allow Tara to pass on. I hope no one else I know ever has to make this kind of decision. It's the worst decision anyone ever has to make. Kevin officially is the one who has to make the decision, but the Doctors recommended we all agree on the decison before moving forward. We all cried about the cruelness and unfairness that would take a new mom away from her 10 month old daughter Kiera. We also know Tara had lots to offer the world in the future, that now won't happen. But we all knew Tara would not want to survive in such a state. In addition, we know Tara has already offered a tremendous amount to her family, her friends, and her co-workers, and we need to remember that, always.

Tara's wish was to be a donar, so the Doctors called the organ donar organization, which is in Madison Wisconsin, and they began making plans to formally remove the life support systems and allow Tara to pass on and donate some of her organs to others so that they might live. The only organs she was going to be allowed to donate were her Kidneys. She had pancreas problems and high liver enzyme's, and damage to her lungs from the accident, so those were not options. At about 9:36pm the life support was removed. Tara's lungs actually started working on their own, and after 2 hours she had not passed on, so they had to terminate the organ donation process. I guess that's the rule, after 2 hours they can't use the organs due to the reduced amount of oxygen that gets to them while Tara is breathing on her own (at a much reduced amount than on the ventilator). So, Tara was brought back up to her room, and she is now being given just fluids and morphine to ease any pain. All tubes for feeding and other life support are removed, and Tara will be allowed to pass on in her own time. Jim, Sandra and Kevin stayed the night in the hospital with Tara. I drove home to sleep around 2pm. Today I am at the hospital with Tara's uncle Charles and Loretta, and Kevin and my mom/dad have driven home to shower and pack some clothes to come back tonight. They say Tara may live up to 2 days, before her organs start to shutdown, but she also could expire at any time. We will ensure someone is here all the time to keep her company and ensure she is as comfortable as possible.

Thanks to everyone who has offered prayers and thoughts and offers of help. It truly has been helpful to all of us in the family. I know Kevin, his mom and dad, and my mom and dad will continue to need your support in the coming weeks/months as they help raise Kiera.

Lastly, I'm not normally a superstitious person, but two events happened yesterday that make me believe Tara's spirit has already passed on. The first was that after I left the hospital yesterday for a short trip for food, I returned and in my old parking spot was a car exactly like Tara's -- same color, model, etc. I parked right next to it, and stood looking at it for quite a while thinking that this is some kind of sign. Then on my way home last evening, I saw a very bright shooting star fall in the sky directly in front of my car. I truly believe these were both signs from Tara letting me know that she has gone to a better place, and that she is still with us in spirit. I love her, and always will.

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

In Indian language the word "Tara" means a Star. She is and will forever be a shining and bright one. We all love her and will miss her.

Anitha

Anonymous said...

I cannot find the words to express how deeply sorry I am that this whole thing happened. My thoughts and prayers will continue to be with you all.

Anonymous said...

I too find it hard to find the words to express how I feel at the time.

Yes -- we all love her and will miss her. My thoughts and prayers are with all of you.

Ken Kamm, NIU -- Founders Library

Anonymous said...

Eric/Kevin/Jim/Sandy,

Tara's decision to be an organ donar seems to be in line with the rest of her character, a very giving and kind person that thought more about others than she did herself. It's just unfortunate that they could not use her organs.

I'm sure you're ALL very proud of her accomplishments and will miss her immensely. Judging by the responses I've read, Tara definitely had a lot of close friends and supporters. I'm sure that Kiera will hear a lot of good things about her mother from family and friends while she's growing up.

Less than a month ago, I had to go back to Illinois to make the same decision for my brother, that you and your family, had to make for Tara. I was very fortunate that his 2 sons and daughter were there to help, as this wasn't a decision anyone should EVER have to make on their own. During my stay there, I had the opportunity to get to know my nephews and neice better than I ever had before. I feel VERY fortunate to have had this opportunity and will definitely keep in touch with them in the future much better than I had in the past.

The point that I'm trying to make is that Tara sounded like a very upbeat person who would have probably wanted something positive to come of all this.......somehow, as difficult as that may be to think about now.

My wife and I are so very sorry that Tara didn't get better. Our thoughts and prayers are with you all during this time.

Take Care.

Gordon and Gan Hui

Anonymous said...

My thoughts are with you all - I know you are making the right decision and that you will support each other through the next stage of this horrible experience. If there's anything I can do, please let me know.

Jan Herzmann

Matt from Denver said...

Tara will live on in our memories. I don’t imagine anyone could ever forget such a talented, intelligent, musical woman who always spoke her mind and lived her life as she pleased.

Anonymous said...

Tara's brilliance, beauty, and passion for justice and kindness will live on forever.

Her infectious laughter, which came so easily, is echoing across the universe.

Jennie & I are devastated.

Jeff Ahrens
Crystal Lake, Illinois

Leanne: There is not enough gratitude for everything you've done for Tara & Kevin. Thank you for helping Kevin and Kiera at their house; thank you for driving Kevin and staying with Tara practically every day!

Anonymous said...

Jim, Sandy, Eric & Kevin

As we sit down to write you all, the tears come and the right words just don't. We truly wish we could be there to hug you and hold you, to pray with you, and help in any way we could. Even though we are way up here in Minnesota, you all have always been so dear to us and the fact that we live on "Tara" Road has always kept Tara and You all close in our hearts & minds. We hope you feel our prayers and how much we are thinking of all of you!

Our love
Dale and Becky

Anonymous said...

I am glad Tara has so many people who love her so strongly with her during this time. The descriptions of her make me sad that I will never get the opportunity to meet her. My best to everyone touched by this, and warmest thoughts to Tara and her entire family.

Barb Ruehl

Anonymous said...

Our thoughts and prayers are with Kevin, Tara, and family. I knew Tara through Kevin, his loving discriptions of her and their daughter. May God bless all of you and we will keep you in our prayers.
Kathleen and Bruce

Anonymous said...

Uncle Jim, Aunt Sandra, Eric, Kevin and Kiera:

As we sit here each day trying to fathom the pain that all of you must be experiencing, via the Blog, we hold hands and just cry at the thought that Tara will not be with us as her normal happy and chipper self. We have each prayed many a prayer for God to do what is right for Tara, and we feel that He must have a great hand in all of this. We think that God needs someone in heaven, just like Tara, and that is why He has “hand-picked” her. We just feel that He needs a red-haired, musically gifted, part genius spitfire young woman at His side helping with all those plaguing nasty “political” decisions that require an advisory board, which I’m sure Tara will head! Of course, Tara will ring bells, sing her songs, play her music, and make merriment now for us ALL to hear. Just look up, and I’m sure that you can hear them too.

For Kiera:
Kiera will have the fondness in knowing that she had a mother that loved and adored her, and gave every ounce of what she had to get her here for all of us to love and enjoy. A very unselfish act, for any mother, especially Tara.

For Kevin:
I’m sure she offered you many hours of challenging conversations, and gave you a run for your money. She loved you so much, enough to share her most inner thoughts, fears and joys, and gave to you from her heart. What more could a husband want, than a doting wife?

For Eric:
Tara was the one that you got to love first and the most, even with the childhood antics. She has been a part of your life that only a big brother and little sister will ever share. Hold those endearing memories in your heart forever! Tara will always be there with you.

For CJ:
I’m glad that you got to be Tara’s friend for all of these years, and what a friend you must have been! With all the good times, bad times, and the time in between, we just know your life’s wouldn’t have been complete, had you not shared them with each other. You too, will have a piece of Tara that no one else will share.

For Uncle Jim and Aunt Sandra:
Our hearts are breaking, with yours, with this news! No parent should ever have to bury a child! All I can offer you is “time will heal what needs to be healed”. You have freely given, from your heart, soul, and every thread of your being into making Tara the best that she could be. You have given us all the moments that we were able to share and enjoy with Tara, and let us experience and delight in what a beautiful young woman she had become. Without the two of you, she wouldn’t have been nearly the person that she was, and for all us, we are eternally grateful. She’s a beautiful daughter, both inside and out! Please stay strong for little Kiera, because she will need you more and more as she grows, and she will need you to show her all the things that you showed her mother. Tara will live strong in her.

We will continue to pray that comfort and peace will be found in such a tragedy. There has to be some, somewhere! For now, it is not ours to understand why…

Our heartfelt tears, remorse, and anguish pour out to all of you. This has touched our family deeply. What we have realized is that NO parent, daughter, son, sister, brother, aunt, uncle, cousin, and friend is ever out of the woods when it comes to something catastrophic. It certainly makes you view and cherish the loved-ones that we have a little deeper.

Our Love and Prayers,
The Utah Dauwalder’s
Charlie, Sharon, Jacob, Chelsea, Chloe, Spenser & Monroe

Anonymous said...

As a writer, words normally come easy to me, but after sitting here and reading the words in front of me, I am at a loss. Tara will always be remembered as not only the best boss, but one of the best people I have ever known. After working with her for nearly 3 1/2 years, I have come to regard her as a friend and a wise elder. She genuinely cared about people and I know many people care about her.

My thoughts and prayers are with Tara and family during this difficult time.

Tara's laugh will forever resonate within the walls of her office at the library.

Stephanie Kohl

Anonymous said...

Kevin, Karen (my sister), Aimee, Evan, and I relieved Jim and Sandra today. We read Tara Ender's Game. That was one of her favorite books. We sang a bit and played some music. Eric relieved us. It was a long day. CJ

Anonymous said...

I don't have words to express my deepest sympathy for Tara's family who have to get through this. I'm praying for you all.