Monument

Kevin and my parents picked out a very fitting stone to mark Tara's final resting place. Notice the book, piano, musical notes, and guitar around the perimeter. In addition, the stone has a full color picture of Tara with her beautiful smile.

There is a nice saying on the back of the stone, but I'll have to go back and get another picture, since it was too sunny this day and none of the pictures turned out.

Prayer

I was given the following prayer from a co-worker, and it seemed approprite so...

I give you this one thought to keep --

I am with you still -- I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow,

I am the diamond glints on snow,

I am the sunlight on ripened grain,

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning's hush,

I am the swift, uplifting rush

of the quiet birds in circled flight --

I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not think of me as gone --

I am with you still--in each new dawn.

from: North American Prayer

CJ Request for help with Tara Biography

I want to again thank everyone for the prayers that you sent to thehigher side for those of us surrounding Tara during her last days. Iam devastated by this loss and as a way to honor Tara I want tocreate a biography to present to Kiera. I would appreciate it if you would send me your memories of Tara. Type them up and send them inand please include the dates as best you can so I can present the information in somewhat chronological order. You may just have a few memories, but I need as much as I can get to make this an extra special book. Over the past 30 years I have many memories of Tara,but they are all so jumbled together that I will need lots of help from YOU. It completely breaks my heart that Kiera will have nomemories of her mother so I am desperate to complete the project for her and as a tribute to Tara. Even if you have just a few memories, please type them up and send them to me. I would also appreciate pictures and please be as detailed as you can. When I'm back inIllinois I'll be looking to interview people for a video of memories as well so keep that in mind. If something comes to you, jot it down. My e-mail is cjwong8 at hotmail dot com. In peace, C.J.

Leanne VandeCreek Eulogy

Leanne and Kevin gave loving, thoughtful and emotional Eulogies at Tara's funeral. Kevin has already posted his speach, so below is Leanne's. Tara was very lucky to have such a loving husband in Kevin, and a great friend in Leanne!

It's still so hard to believe she's gone....

>>>
How do you adequately discuss a life that was short, yet so significant? Or sum up what someone you loved meant to you?

Tara was such an open person--very easy to get to know. It really didn’t take long to learn that this fiery redhead was passionate about many things.

First and foremost, she loved her family and friends. If you ever had the pleasure of spending time with Tara and Kevin together, then you know how very happy they made each other. Their similarities and differences complemented each other well. They went just about everywhere--and did everything--together. The life they had built together was wonderful. And less than one year ago, they brought Kiera into the world, and what a joy she is to all of us.

Few couples are fortunate to live in close proximity to both sets of parents. From early on in Tara and Kevin’s relationship, they spent a lot of time with their respective parents and in-laws. They enjoyed getting together for meals and attending performances at Drury Lane and other venues. They took vacations and traveled to places all around the United States and Europe together. Sandra and Jim even came along on a few business trips. I recall having dinner with Jim and Tara on several occasions at different American Library Association Conferences. They just loved being together! Holidays were always very big family events, and Tara spoke often of these gatherings where she could visit with the whole family, including Eric and Karen and their boys.

After Kiera was born and Tara and Kevin had to go back to work, Jim and Sandra and Jay and Elaine worked out a rotating child care schedule. They took turns coming out to DeKalb to take care of Kiera at the townhouse so she could remain in her home environment. How wonderful for Kiera to grow up knowing both sets of grandparents this well. Kiera is a lucky girl to have so many people who love her and are looking out for her best interests.

In addition to being very close with her family, Tara loved her friends—and she had a lot of them. Tara and CJ became friends when they were 3 years old. Tara’s Mom and CJ’s Mom were at a local pool one day, when CJ became fussy and had to go home. Upon getting home they discovered that Tara had bitten CJ on the back—hence the “fussiness”. Despite this toothy beginning, they became best friends and remained such. Few of us probably even recall the names of friends we had when we were three, let alone keep in contact with them today. Throughout her life, Tara maintained old friendships including with people from high school and old boyfriends, while all the while making new ones. Friends she made were friends she kept.

Other things that Tara was passionate about…

I would wager that a large number of people in this room had either engaged Tara in political discussions, or observed her participating in such a discussion. These conversations were frequently heated and involved some table pounding. And that was when you agreed with her! But you know, she didn’t just talk the talk, she walked the walk. Not a week went by that Tara wasn’t telling me of a petition she signed or a strongly-worded letter she wrote to some policy maker at the state or federal level. She urged everyone to actively participate in the political system. And Heaven help you if you didn’t vote on Election Day!

She cared deeply about the state of the world and its people. She couldn’t tolerate any form of injustice, loss of freedom, or discrimination. She had special empathy for Native Americans and was also very involved in the Presidential Commission on Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity. I recall a time when Tara and I overheard someone at a restaurant make the following statement: “Little girls should wear dresses and sit quietly while playing with their dolls, while little boys should run around and climb trees in their overalls. That’s just the way of the world.” That really got her going. First came the eyeroll. Then came the crescendoed “discussion”. Check, please! Tara and I used to proudly talk about what tomboys we were when we were little girls. We ran around, and climbed trees, and skinned knees, and went fishin’. And it made us stronger women.

Tara was passionate about learning. Intelligence, intellectual curiosity and education were some of Tara’s many strongsuits. I think if she could have found a way to make a living at being a student, that would have been her chosen profession. When she wasn’t the formal student herself, she was the teacher—whether to music students, or students who worked for her in the Digitization Lab. Her interests were wide and varied, and she truly enjoyed sharing what she knew with others.

And obviously she was passionate about libraries as she spent so much of her life in them. One thing she liked in particular about them is that they go such a long way in supporting 1st Amendment rights and provide unimpeded access to information. One of her favorite t-shirts said “My library has something to offend everyone”. And she wore it with pride.

Food: two words: SUSHI and FONDUE (Although never at the same meal).

Tara is one of the most talented people I will ever know. Nowhere was this more apparent than her in passion for music. From the piano, to the guitar, to the banjo, to the alto sax, to the accordion, to the African Kora, to other instruments I can’t name or pronounce-- from all around the world. She researched them, purchased them, and learned to play them all to one degree or another. She not only taught music for many years but participated in the Yorkville Big Band and the Kish Band.

Shoes: the woman loved shoes. She had more pairs than I’ve ever seen, some of which were her favorites and she wore all the time, like her green Doc Martins. And this pension for shoes extended beyond the ones she wore on her feet to those ceramic collectible ones too. “Shoe” is also a nickname Kevin used for Tara.

Tara once told me that something she first noticed about me was that I was such a “smiley” person. I thought it was funny b/c that was on of the first things I had noticed about HER. And I think you’d all agree that Tara had THE LOUDEST and THE BEST laugh that went along with that great smile. Absolutely infectious.

You know, it’s funny... Aimee and I were talking about this last night. Despite all these talents, interests and activities, Tara frequently described herself as “lazy” which of course couldn’t be further from the truth. In between working, and reading, and political activities and all the rest, she ALWAYS made time for the ones she loved.

Some people move in and out of our lives with little or no impact. Others enter our lives—whether for a short time or a long time-- and touch us in such a way that we are never the same again. Judging by the outpouring of support over the past 5 ½ weeks, and the number of people in this room right now, the list of lives Tara has influenced is long. She’s leaving a huge hole in our lives, and we will miss her dearly.

I’d like to close with a quote from John Donne’s Devotions Upon Emergent Occasions, Meditation XVI. I think Tara would be pleased that I’m correctly citing my source, although she may be slightly disappointed by the non-inclusive language. Anyway, it reminds me of Tara’s approach to life and how she felt towards other people:

"No man is an Island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the Continent, a part of the main; if a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as well as if a manor of thy friends or of thine own were; any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in Mankind; And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; It tolls for thee. "

A few words at Tara's funeral

This is Kevin. I just wanted to make the words that I spoke at Tara's funeral available, for those who wanted to see them.

This is not a eulogy, Leanne has already done that better than I ever could. I just want to talk briefly about the effect that Tara has had on my life.
Tara was a woman of boundless enthusiasm, a woman who never held anything back. It used to annoy her that when asked to rate a movie or book on a scale of one to ten, I would never give anything a ten, because I was always saving that slot, holding onto it for something better that might come along. By contrast, not only did Tara assign tens freely, she often would proclaim that a movie, or an author, or a food, was “the best ever”. I always wondered how so many things could occupy the top slot. But Tara was completely sincere – all of these things were wonderful, all were the best.
All of you are familiar with how open Tara was with her feelings, how her face would light up when she was happy, or darken moodily if she was displeased or sad. I used to watch her as we would watch movies or television, and there was never any question as to how she felt about the show, whether bored, or angry, or sad, or amused. Amused was especially easy, as she liked to laugh. But all of her reactions delighted me, whether positive or negative, whether about food or politics, because Tara cared – strongly, about many things, from friends and family, to the fate of the nation, to whether there was the right kind of margarine on the table. If she was being picky, then good for her, because she was alive, and this wasn’t someone who just went through the motions, she lived life intensely, and it made me more alive to know her.
When I first met Tara in the dorms at NIU twelve and a half years ago, I visited her room, which was filled with music, with fiction, with history, and I realized that this was an interesting person, and I hoped that maybe just maybe, she would be interested in me. To my good fortune, she was.
I could tell you all the ways that Tara has been good for me over the years, all of the many ways that she has supported and helped me and delighted me, but really there are two things that she did for me above all others 1st ,she let me make her happy. There were times in my life that I would be down on myself, full of self doubt, – and then I would realize “but you make her happy”. To have this extraordinary woman light up to see me, to see her smile at me, to know that somehow I made her happy just by being who I was – that was more than enough. 2nd, she brought us Kiera, our beautiful little girl, who is sure to grow up into a smart young woman like her mother .
Tara, I love you. You are my ten. Shine on.

Final resting place

This is a picture of the cemetery plot where Tara was laid to rest. The flowers are just a portion of the many beautiful bouquets sent to the Funeral Home.

The metal sign is temporary. A permanent headstone won't be put in place for approximately 2 months, after the ground has settled.

Once again, the Family would like to thank everyone who has sent cards, flowers, and donations to the Kiera Education Fund. The outpouring of support has been overwhelming.

Memorial

Many people have asked if they can still donate to the memorial for Tara. The answer is Yes. Contributions can be made out to the Kiera J. Sommerfield Education Fund. Please mail any checks to Tara/Kevin's home address, or send to myself, my parent's home (Jim & Sandra), or Jay & Elaine Sommerfield's home. I'm not publishing any addresses here because this blog is publicly available. We are looking into getting something setup online to allow for electronic donations, but until then, all we can accept are checks made out to the Kiera J. Sommerfield Education Fund.

Thanks to everyone who attended the Visitation and/or Funeral earlier this week. It helped the family to know how many people Tara had touched, and I'm sure Tara was watching to see all the people that loved her and wanted to pay their respects.

Donations / Memorial

In lieu of flowers a memorial is being established for Tara's daughter, Kiera Jaye Sommerfield's education. Contributions can be made out to the Kiera J. Sommerfield Education Fund in care of the Anderson Funeral Home, Ltd., P.O. Box 605, 2011 South Fourth Street, DeKalb, IL 60115. For further information please call (815) 756-1022.

Visitation and Funeral Information

Visitation will be held on Tuesday, April 10th from 4:00pm to 8:00pm at the Anderson Funeral Home in DeKalb. Funeral Services will be held at 7:00pm on Wednesday, April 11th at St. Paul's Episcopal Church in DeKalb, with the Rev. Mark A. Geisler officiating. Visitation will also be held on Wednesday, April 11th from 6:00pm until the time of service at 7:00pm at the church. Private family burial will be held at the Auxsable Cemetery in rural Minooka, IL.

Anderson Funeral Home
2011 South Fourth Street
P.O. Box 605
DeKalb, Illinois 60115-8679
(815) 756-1022
Richard Anderson, Funeral Director

Tara and Kiera

Here's a picture from my mom of Tara and Kiera in January of 2007. Tara had just given Kiera her new NIU shirt.

Funeral and Wake Info

We won't have the funeral and wake information until tomorrow (Monday) at the earliest. We will be scheduling the wake at Anderson Funeral Home in DeKalb. Tara will be buried in Aux-Sable Cemetary in Minooka, next to her sister Lara, her grandparents Lyle and Doris Devick, and her great-grandparents Edna and John Whitlock.

Goodbye, We will LOVE you always!

Tara passed away around midnight, early Easter morning. It's so hard for me to believe she's gone. I believe she actually waited for Easter before leaving us. My other thought is that God decided to end her suffering and took her into Heaven on Easter. Either one actually gives me some comfort. Lord, I miss her so much already! I will love you always, Tara!

Earlier tonight Vishnu posted some pictures at http://picasaweb.google.com/lavanya104/Tara/

I liked this one so much, I decided it was fitting to show it here with this goodbye post. Tara loved her work, and her co-workers, so I'm sure she would have liked this picture.

Fever

I'm currently spending the night at the hospice. My parents and/or Kevin have spent the night every day this week, so I was happy to finally give them a break. Tara is running a 105 fever, and she's had it for much of the day. They've given her tylenol, but it hasn't brought the fever down. The nurses also told me this will likely accelerate her passing, because the body can only survive for so long with a 105 fever. It's a strange fever, since she doesn't feel warm like a normal fever. However, they've checked her temperature multiple times, and it constantly reads 105.

Friday April 6th update

Many people continue to visit Tara at the hospice, including many friends from the Library and NIU, Tara's good friend Chuck's parents + sister, the drummer from the Big Band Tara used to play in, people from her Church, and, of course, her good friends CJ, Karen and Aimee. In addition, many Uncles and Aunts continue to visit. The family continues to maintain a 24x7 vigil to ensure someone is with her till she passes.

Tara is looking very thin and drawn. The doctors/caretakers are amazed she has continued to survive even though life support and vitals have been removed for quite some time. It's very obvious Tara was an extremely strong person, and she continues to show that every day. It's very tough on the family and her friends, seeing how strong she is, but knowing her physical strength can't save her due to the amount of brain damage.

New pic + update

Thanks to Matt/CJ for sending me this pic of Tara. This is from 1990.

Tara's condition is still relatively the same. Breathing is irregular, but the heart beat is stronger than earlier in the week. Kevin has stayed with Tara 2 nights this week, and lots of people have visited Tara, including Kiera. Thanks to CJ for putting in a 'guest book' for everyone who visits to sign. All the hospice caretackers are very nice, and they have been doing a wonderful job of providing comfort care to Tara. We all continue to wait and try to support Tara.

Older posts

Some people have asked me "what happened to the older posts with the pictures, etc.?" Well, those posts get archived. You can still access them just by going to the bottom of this page and clicking on the link for "Older Posts". There you can see all the older posts, including description of accident, etc.

Visits + update

I would recommend that anyone who wants to visit Tara in the hospice do so as quickly as possible. The caretakers at the hospice have told us the signs indicate Tara may not have too much more time with us. Her heart rate is dropping, and she is starting to have irregular breathing. They tell us these are both signs of the physical body starting to shutdown. We know Tara touched numerous lives, and the family supports everyone who wants to visit Tara to say 'goodbye'.

We'd like to thank everyone so much for the thoughts, prayers, and kind words. You'll never know how much your words, letters, emails and comments have helped during these tragic times. It actually eases the pain to know that Tara has positively impacted all of your lives through humor, mentoring, academics, as a friend, as a co-worker, and as a relative. We will miss her so much!

Hospice info

The address of the hospice is:

Pine Acres Care Center
1212 2nd Street
DeKalb, IL

Directions from I-88 are:
- Exit Peace Road
- Peace Road North (right if exiting going West)
- Left at first light (FairView)
- Right on 4th Street
- Left on Barb (immediately after DeKalb High School) -- note that the sign for Barb street is ONLY on the left side of the street. The street going right is something else.
- Right on 2nd Street
- Pine Acres is on the Right about 1.5 blocks

Tara is in room 109.

Hospice update

Some good news. Kevin and the hospital/health insurance group found another hospice in DeKalb, on 2nd street, that can take over the care of Tara. The plan now is to move her there tomorrow (Thursday). This will be great news for the family, making it much easier to be with Tara 24x7 now that she's closer in DeKalb, rather than Rockford. It will also make it much easier for her co-workers and local friends to visit her.

Wed Update

Tara's status/condition is still the same. No major changes.

A number of people have been asking if they could visit Tara in the hospital, and the answer is "yes". We all think it would be wonderful if Tara's friends visited her in the hospital. We have family with her 24x7, so anyone who stops by just has to be prepared to also interact with parents, uncles/aunts, cousins, etc. ;-) Tara's room at the hospital is very small, so no more than 2 people at a time would be all that we request.

As for plans to move Tara to a hospice, that isn't going to happen right now. Unfortunately the DeKalb hospice is full, so Tara will be staying in the hospital until further notice.

Monday update

Yesterday Tara had quite a few visitors, including Tracy & Steve Dirst from Peoria, and Tara's good friends Leanne and Lynn. In addition, my parents and Kevin were there as well. My parent's spent the night with Tara at the hospital.

Her condition is basically the same. Tara is still running a slight fever. The only major change yesterday was she did cough and sob a bit, with tears running down her face. We don't know what caused this.

We are looking at moving her into a hospice in DeKalb, right on Sycamore street about a 1/2 mile from Kevin/Tara's townhouse. Hopefully the insurance company will give the green light, and then the hospital can arrange the move. Having her near home would help greatly, and allow more people to visit.

Friday update

Kevin stayed the entire night on Thursday in the hospital with Tara. Aimee and CJ's parents stayed with Tara today. Uncle Bud and Aunt Carol also visited today, as well as Tara's good friend Chuck who flew over from Europe after hearing the news. I took over from CJ's parents tonight and I'll stay until Saturday morning, when Charles and Loretta will take over. I'm hoping Kevin went with Kiera tonight to their friends house for 'gaming', which was a tradition Tara/Kevin and their friends had on Friday nights. I know Tara would have wanted him to go, and I know how important friends are at this time.

We finished reading Ender's Game to Tara tonight. I finished the last page around 10:30pm this evening. Thanks to everyone who took turns reading to Tara here at the hospital. I believe that included CJ, Aimee, Kevin, and Charles/Loretta.

CJ's dad sung Tara old Irish folk tunes today. I'm sure Tara enjoyed them, even if CJ's mom insisted that dad was off-key.

My dad Jim is feeling better this evening, so my mom and dad plan on visiting the hospital tomorrow (Saturday). Jim caught a bug that's been going around, since it also hit CJ and her boys.

No real changes in Tara's status. Her fever is still running low at 99.8, but otherwise she's still the same.

Still the same

Last night passed with no major changes. Tara is still running a slight fever (101), but otherwise everything is the same. I asked a nurse how long people in similar situations had lasted, and she responded that some have lasted weeks. I somehow feel that Tara is suffering in her current situation, so I certainly hope this doesn't continue for weeks. I know it's extremely tough on Kevin and my parents, especially to see Tara every day and yet know she isn't coming back to them. I know it's tough on me. I also see the strain in CJ, Karen and Aimee's faces as well.

Today Charles & Loretta took over for me after I stayed the night last night. Their daughter, Emily, joined them at the hospital. Tonight Kevin will be spending the night at the hospital, while my mom takes care of Kiera at Tara & Kevin's home. My dad is home sick with some bug he probably caught at the hospital. He just needs to rest.

March 22 Thank You

This is Tara's husband, Kevin, again.
I just wanted to thank some of the many people who have been helping Kiera and me through this difficult time.
First of all are Tara's parents and my parents, who were helping watch Kiera before the accident, and have continued to do so even more since, despite the obvious additional pressure on them. In addition to watching Kiera and helping her continue to feel as normal as possible, both sets of grandparents have been helping me around the house with laundry, meals and other chores. I appreciate all of them tremendously.
Interim Dean Mary Munroe and all of the people at the NIU library who worked with Tara have also been tremendously supportive, and raised a great deal of money to help Kiera and me through this time. It has been very helpful with expenses of food and travel during this time. Thank you!
While on the subject of friends at the library, Mary Sheldon and Margie Cooke sent me a plate of snickerdoodles which did not last long and a huge platter of sandwiches which did not last much longer. Food is good!
My friends at Sauk Valley Community college have also been very supportive, particularly Patrick Kennedy, my dean, and Judy Happ, without whom he could do nothing. Patrick has arranged for people to take over my classes during this time that I am not available, and also took up a collection for Kiera and me. Thanks to all of the people who contributed. Also I would like to particularly thank Tom Gospodarczyk, Charles Atchley, Ken Youel, and Ernie Etter for covering my classes. Penny Duncan, thanks for checking in on me at St. Anthony's yesterday, and Bob, thanks for sending your concern.
Special thanks:
Jeff Ahrens - Thanks for coming down from Crystal Lake to visit with Leanne, Tara, and me. We appreciated your jokes even when they were terrible, and also my love to Jennie Versteeg.
Cason and Jennie Snow - Cason and Jennie have made it possible for both me and Lynne and Michael to visit Tara at the hospital by watching our respective children. I know that Kiera has been through a lot recently, and Jen and Cason already have a toddler, so this cannot have been easy. All of us appreciate their help. Also, they have continued to host our weekly social gatherings, and Jen has continued to feed us all at these. Thanks to both of you.
Steve and Karen Woodworth- Roman - They both have visited with Tara and I at the hospital, (as have everyone mentioned in this entry), and Steve and Karen brought me a box of food and necessities shortly after the accident. They have been supportive friends.
Leanne and Drew VanderCreek- Leanne and her husband Drew, who is Tara's boss, were the 1st people to learn about the accident, and drove me up to the hospital during the snowstorm on the terrible day of the accident. They stayed with me to learn the news about Tara, and were back to visit the next day and several times since. They have also kept me company during these past weeks, and it has helped. Leanne has helped me with shopping and bills, and both have helped me talk through difficult situations since. Leanne has also helped facilitate the processing of paperwork for Tara and me at the library.
Sarah and David McHone- Chase - Sarah and David have kept me company and had me over for dinner. Sarah has made us food (excellent Thai) and David has helped me with work on the computer. They are new friends to Tara and me, and very good ones.
Lynne and Michael Thomas - Lynne and Michael have not been my constant companions since the accident, but it has been close. They have kept me company and talked with me when I was blue (which has been often). Lynne has also helped with my shopping (ok, done my shopping) and has cooked for us on more than one occasion.
Michael has been my constant source of support throughout this whole ordeal, accepting up to 10 phone calls per day from me on issues that range form life-and-death to trivial. He has helped me organize my dealings with insurance companies, pay bills, and do nearly everything else. Most of all, Michael's experience with some of these issues has made him sometimes the one person that I felt I could talk to when making difficult decisions. Thank You.
I have received an unbelievable amount of support from everyone during this crisis, and I am sure to have overlooked some of you. Just know that I appreciate all of you, including those who have sent cards and e-mails of concern. You have made a difficult time easier.

Wed Update

Tara has been moved to a new room (464) as of yesterday. She was running a fever earlier today, but appears to have beaten it tonight. Kevin, CJ, Karen (CJ's sister) and Aimee and Evan were here most of the day today, having relieved my parents who stayed last night. I'm currently here by myself to stay the night. I have a wireless card connected to my laptop, that allows me to still post these even while I'm in the hospital. As I mentioned, we are all taking turns, to ensure Tara has someone with her 24x7 till she passes on.

I am really happy that CJ continues to bring Evan here to the hospital. I know she doesn't have much choice on whether to bring Evan, considering CJ's in from out-of-state and still breast feeding, but I appreciate it nonetheless. He's such a happy baby, and I just love carrying him around and letting him jump and move his legs. It's a nice distraction to see someone starting their new life whilst we deal with losing someone. CJ's obviously raising him right if Evan is this happy all the time!

Aimee and CJ were good enough to bring Tara's favorite book, Ender's Game, to read. They read to Tara this afternoon, and I continued this evening. So far I've made it to page 99. Tara introduced me to this book, and the subsequent series, and I've loved it ever since. I learned today from Aimee that Tara even convinced her teacher back in Junior High to make this one of the class selected books for reading that year.

What's most depressing at this point is that Tara's facial bruising and black eye's have started to heal so well that she is beginning to look almost normal. It's depressing because now she just looks like she's asleep, and might wake up any minute--which isn't going to happen. It was easier to understand why she wouldn't awake, for some reason, when her injuries were more visually evident. It's still so hard to believe that she won't just come out of the coma and return to being the Tara we always knew and loved. However, MRI scans don't lie, and we all are just focused on making her last moments on earth as peaceful and filled with loved one's, friends, and companionship as possible. I even put a podcast of NPR (Tara's favorite radio station) on my iPod, and I'm going to let Tara listen to it tonight.

Thanks to everyone who has been helping out lately at the hospital, including CJ, Karen (CJ's sister), Aimee, Kevin, uncle Charles and aunt Loretta, and of course...my mom and dad. I just know Tara appreciates everything everyone is doing for her. Of course, I also believe her spirit has already left her body and she's watching all these events unfold with her Grandma and Grandpa Devick, with her Uncle Don and Mary, Uncle Paul, Uncle Joe, sister Lara, Grandma and Grandpa Dirst, and many other relatives I haven't listed that have already passed on. I know she's in good company.

MRI & update

We reviewed the results of the MRI yesterday, and the news wasn't good. She has extensive damage to both frontal lobes, the Cerebellum, and about 85% of the mid-brain. There are also numerous areas of the brain elsewhere that are damaged extensively. If Tara lives, it's likely she would either be in a persistant vegitative state, or have the intellectual capacity of a 6 month old. Myself, Kevin, my dad (Jim), my mom (Sandra) and Kevin's dad (Jay) all met to discuss what we would do. Even though it's extremely painful, we agreed that we would remove the life support systems and allow Tara to pass on. I hope no one else I know ever has to make this kind of decision. It's the worst decision anyone ever has to make. Kevin officially is the one who has to make the decision, but the Doctors recommended we all agree on the decison before moving forward. We all cried about the cruelness and unfairness that would take a new mom away from her 10 month old daughter Kiera. We also know Tara had lots to offer the world in the future, that now won't happen. But we all knew Tara would not want to survive in such a state. In addition, we know Tara has already offered a tremendous amount to her family, her friends, and her co-workers, and we need to remember that, always.

Tara's wish was to be a donar, so the Doctors called the organ donar organization, which is in Madison Wisconsin, and they began making plans to formally remove the life support systems and allow Tara to pass on and donate some of her organs to others so that they might live. The only organs she was going to be allowed to donate were her Kidneys. She had pancreas problems and high liver enzyme's, and damage to her lungs from the accident, so those were not options. At about 9:36pm the life support was removed. Tara's lungs actually started working on their own, and after 2 hours she had not passed on, so they had to terminate the organ donation process. I guess that's the rule, after 2 hours they can't use the organs due to the reduced amount of oxygen that gets to them while Tara is breathing on her own (at a much reduced amount than on the ventilator). So, Tara was brought back up to her room, and she is now being given just fluids and morphine to ease any pain. All tubes for feeding and other life support are removed, and Tara will be allowed to pass on in her own time. Jim, Sandra and Kevin stayed the night in the hospital with Tara. I drove home to sleep around 2pm. Today I am at the hospital with Tara's uncle Charles and Loretta, and Kevin and my mom/dad have driven home to shower and pack some clothes to come back tonight. They say Tara may live up to 2 days, before her organs start to shutdown, but she also could expire at any time. We will ensure someone is here all the time to keep her company and ensure she is as comfortable as possible.

Thanks to everyone who has offered prayers and thoughts and offers of help. It truly has been helpful to all of us in the family. I know Kevin, his mom and dad, and my mom and dad will continue to need your support in the coming weeks/months as they help raise Kiera.

Lastly, I'm not normally a superstitious person, but two events happened yesterday that make me believe Tara's spirit has already passed on. The first was that after I left the hospital yesterday for a short trip for food, I returned and in my old parking spot was a car exactly like Tara's -- same color, model, etc. I parked right next to it, and stood looking at it for quite a while thinking that this is some kind of sign. Then on my way home last evening, I saw a very bright shooting star fall in the sky directly in front of my car. I truly believe these were both signs from Tara letting me know that she has gone to a better place, and that she is still with us in spirit. I love her, and always will.

Thank you from Sandra

I'm writing to everyone this evening March 17th to Thank You, for all your prayers, and e-cards, you have sent to the hospital and get well cards sent to us. All cards have been read to Tara everyday and I know she hears everyone one. All cards are posted on the bulletin board after being read sometimes the cards are read to her several times even the nurses are reading the cards to her. C.J. is here visiting Tara from Conn. and we are playing CD music for her brain Neurons, we have seen her eyes blink, when we are talking and playing some of her favorite music even American Legion Big Band Music with her performing. We continue to pray and wait for the result of the MRI. God Bless MOM (Sandra)

Sunday, March 18 Update

This is Kevin, Tara's husband. They did the MRI, and I am afraid that it only confirms what what was previously believed. We spoke with another doctor today, who went over the MRI with us and stated that there is damage to so many different areas to the brain, including the midbrain, that she does not believe that a recovery is possible, particularly a recovery that could result in a Tara anything like the Tara we knew. In addition, the barbituate is practically out of her system, and her responses are at no better a level than when she came in. The doctor believes that if Tara woke up, which is unlikely, she would be at an extremely low level of cognitive functioning. We know that Tara would not want this, and so, as Eric has said, we may have to let her go.
I literally do not have words to describe how I feel about this, and I am sure that all of you feel the same. However, the doctor stated that if she were in this condition, she would not want her family to keep her alive, and I strongly believe that Tara would feel the same.
We will have another discussion with Tara's primary doctor tomorrow, and will keep you posted. We all miss her.

Saturday update

Tara is stable, but they are still concerned about the severity of the brain damage shown in the cat scan. They have scheduled an MRI for tonight, so we'll have the results either tomorrow or Monday at the latest.

I know Tara enjoyed the company today, with CJ talking to her, showing her the picture scrapbook CJ made, and CJ singing to Tara. CJ and her sister Karen are such great friends for Tara, and I know Tara feels lucky to have them at her side. My dad and I even talked politics with Tara, and my dad admitted he might be starting to be swayed by her liberal ideals...hard as that is to say for a Republican. I know Tara must have laughed internally at that statement.

Now that the drug is removed, she's starting to have eye movement, and periodic body movement. We're told it's all reactive, and not likely to be cognitive driven. Regardless, it's still nice to see movement, regardless of the reason. The drug will finally flush itself out of her system on Monday, and that's when the serious analysis of her condition and future possibilities will be finalized. As I mentioned in the previous posts, the Doctors are very concerned that the damage is extensive, as shown in the cat scan. We'll have confirmation from the MRI soon, one way or the other.

Stories

CJ put a comment in that she wanted stories from everyone on how Tara touched your life. We are all at the hospital, so if you could send them via the e-card link, we will read them to Tara. The link is:

http://www.osfhealth.com/GetWell.aspx

Make sure you enter your email address when requested, even though it isn't listed as a required field. If you don't enter it, you will get a runtime error. Room number is 365.

Thanks!

Friday 3-16 update

Today I have very bad news to report. The barbiturate drug was removed today, and her brain pressure and other signs appear to be maintaining levels that are acceptable. However, the other news is very grim. The swelling on the side of the brain where her primary injury occurs has not gone down like the Doctors expected. In addition, she still has swelling on her Cerebellum, and possibly a stroke. Lastly, the latest cat scans show alot of damage to the frontal lobes, and Doctors are very concerned there is damage to the mid-brain, which is not usually recoverable. To summarize, her brain is almost in just as bad of shape as it was after the accident. A second neurosurgeon is going to take a look tomorrow on Saturday, and give an update to all of us.

We are all afraid we may have to let Tara go, because she would not want to live with brain damage so severe that she had no hope of recovering. It's incredibly hard for me to write this post, but I think everyone needs to hear the reality of the situation. Tara prided herself on her intellectual capacity, whether it be arguing politics, her extensive knowledge of history, her musical talents, or the great intellectual discussions she had with Kevin, her friends, her co-workers, my dad, or myself. To not have these things would be to not have Tara. The thing we keep reminding ourselves is that we all have to be strong for Kiera, her 10 month old daughter. Tara is so proud of her daughter, for good reason, and I start crying every time I think of the two of them together...so happy, and such a proud mom! However, I have to remind myself that Tara would have wanted us to be strong for Kiera, and make sure she knows how happy and proud her mom was of her. I apologize but I can't write anymore ... but I do wish that Tara could have seen the outpouring of support/prayers from all of you reading this blog. I'm sure she would have been overwhelmed, as I and the rest of her family are.

Brain pressure

Unfortunately today Tara's brain pressure started to rise again so they've had to increase the drug again.

Continued drug reduction

The doctors reduced the dosage of the barbiturate drug again, thereby continuing progress towards reducing it eventually zero. The good news is the pressure on her brain has remained stable.

Cat Scan inconclusive

They performed another cat scan last night for the Doctors to review this morning. There is swelling around the Cerbellum (spellling?) but they cannot tell enough details via the cat scan. They are going to schedule an MRI, but they have to wait until she has stabilized more. So, more waiting. They don't have a definite timeframe for scheduling the MRI.

The good news is the pressure on her brain is staying relatively stable, even with the reduction in the coma inducing drug.

Organic Family Magazine link fixed

I fixed the link to the Organic Family Magazine site where there are now many pictures of Tara posted. Thanks to C.J. The link is along the right side of this blog under the section titled "Tara's Online Postings".

C.J.'s favorite pic

This is C.J.'s favorite pic of Tara, from 1990. Tara loved (and still loves) the color black, and this was a favorite black leather coat.

Blog thanks

Eric,

Thank you so much for putting together this blog, and to Karen for the idea,

We wanted to say that Tara is in our thoughts and prayers constantly. We have contacted many of our friends, both present and past, and have received well over 50 responses of prayers and offers of help.

Jay and Elaine

Los Angeles Post

Dearest Tara,
It's Ruth and Frank (your aunt and uncle from Los Angeles). We just want you to know that we are thinking of you and praying for you every minute and have asked many friends to pray for you as well. Kiera is just the cutest little girl--we have a picture of you, Kevin, Elaine and Jay and sweet Kiera that we just received recently. You are such a strong person and you just have to fight because there are so many people who love you and need you, especially your family. Just know that you are in our hearts and our thoughts. We treasure you and love you so much.
Aunt Ruth and Uncle Frank

Cat Scan

Tara is scheduled for a cat scan, with the Doctor scheduled to review the results tomorrow.

Tara with Kiera, C.J. and Evan

Thanks to C.J. for providing this picture of Tara and Kiera with C.J. and Evan. We all hope and pray to see scenes like this one again!

Drug reduced

The doctors specified today on Friday that they would start to reduce the barbiturate drug over the next few days. They will keep tabs to ensure that the pressure on her brain doesn't increase to over 20 (currently at 15). They also plan to do a cat scan later this weekend.

Another news article

Thanks to Anitha for providing the following link to an article about the accident in the Northern Star. Rather than leave it in the comments, I figured I'd post it so everyone could see.

http://www.northernstar.info/articles/?id=35677

No change

I just talked with my dad and there was no change in Tara’s condition last night. From this point forward I will only post items if there is something to report.

I’ve also changed the blog so that anyone can post comments, not just people with gmail accounts.

If people want to post items to this blog about Tara, such as Pictures, etc., please just email them to me at edirst@gmail.com and include what description/wording you want. I’ll certainly do my best to get them posted as soon as possible.

Thanks

Barbiturate drug

Today the doctors told Jim/Sandra they would be keeping Tara on the barbiturate drug for a while longer. They still see signs of swelling, and when they tried reducing the dosage of the drug, the pressure on her brain started to increase beyond the levels they wanted to maintain. We expect she may remain on the drug until mid-next week.

Thank You for the Get Well Cards!

Many of Tara's friends at NIU have been sending email cards to the hospital, and it has been extremely touching to see all the support from everyone! I think we're over 40+ already this week. It's obvious Tara had a ton of friends at the Library and elsewhere at NIU. Kevin and myself both have read the cards to Tara. I'm hopeful she can hear us, and that the words of encouragment, support, and caring will allow her to bolster her strength to survive and return to us all as a wife/sister/daughter/friend.

The URL to send an email card is http://www.osfhealth.com/GetWell.aspx

News article on the accident

Here is the link to the news article about the accident.

http://www.daily-chronicle.com/articles/2007/03/07/news/news04.txt

Thanks

Accident Info

On Friday, March 2nd, shortly after lunchtime, Tara was returning from her Townhome to work at NIU. DeKalb was experiencing blizzard like conditions due to the high winds (25mph, gusting to 40mph) and snow. For whatever reason, instead of taking First Street to her workplace, she instead elected to take Annie Glidden road. Somewhere around Dresser road a semi was approaching Tara's car in the other lane. A passenger truck moved out to pass the semi, thereby entering Tara's lane. Her only choice was to drive into the snow-filled ditch to avoid the passenger truck. Once her car entered the snow filled ditch, it started to slide, and her car slid directly into the path of the oncoming semi. She was broad-sided on the passenger side of her car. Tara did have her seat-belt on, but it didn't protect her head from hitting the driver side window, and likely other parts of the vehicle. When the police arrived she was breathing on her own, but she was unconcious. The driver of the passenger truck, after causing Tara to drive into the ditch, did not stop and continued on, ignoring the crash that occurred behind him/her (f**cking a**hole!). The semi driver was only able to identify the passenger truck as being dark colored. Tara was taken to the local DeKalb hospital where they determined that her head trauma was too extensive for them to treat. Tara had a depressed skull fracture on the right side of her skull. She also had multiple orbital fractures around her eyes, thereby causing her to have extreme black eye's with bulging eye-sockets -- referred to as racoon-eyes by the medical establishment. As an example of how hard the collision was, Tara had a ring on her right hand, with a very thick band, which was compressed in half, and the stone was broken out of it. The decision was made to have her transferred to St. Anthony hospital in DeKalb, because they have specialist Neurosurgeons on staff, as well as Trauma Surgeons. Unfortunately, due to the poor weather conditions, they were unable to transfer her via helicoptor, as would be normal. They instead had the helicopter personnel drive Tara in an ambulance to the hospital, which is approximately 1 hour away from DeKalb. They successfully transferred her, and she went into surgery around 4pm.

In surgery they first addressed her depressed skull fracture, and removed the pieces of the skull which had been pushed into her brain. They removed 2 pieces, I believe. Then they cut out part of her skull to (a) give her brain space to expand as it swells from it's injuries, and (b) so they could assess the damage to the brain. They removed the skull on the same right side of her head where the depressed skull fracture occurred. In their investigation of the brain, they determined that she had bruising to both frontal lobes, as well as Subdural Hematoma, Subarachnoid Hemorrhage, and numerous Brain Contusions. She also had multiple Orbital Fractures (around the eyes) and Maxillary fractures (cheeks). They placed a patch and dressing over the portion of the skull that was removed, and inserted a type of instrument in the left side of her skull to allow them to measure the pressure on the brain. Their primary concern was that they effictively monitor the pressure on the brain, since the brain will expand due to swelllng for 3-4 days after an injury. Obviously they want to minimize or keep the brain from swelling more and thereby injuring itself. As the brain expands, since it has no where to expand inside the skull, in compresses downward, thereby damaging and hurting portions of the brain, which then cause more swelling, which then causes more damage...and this cycle can continue until you have brain death. The Doctors also determined that Tara had a Pulminary Contusion to her right lung (bruise to the lung), which was causing her lung not to function properly. The Trauma Surgeon worked on her lung to address the Pulminary Contusion during the the surgery. By this time Tara was on a ventilator.

Kevin had been given a ride to St. Anthony by friends. My dad had called me and he and I had met my mom at Tara's townhouse, where my mother was caring for Kiera after Tara had been transferred from the DeKalb hospital. My dad and I drove up to St. Anthony's. Around 6:30pm the doctors finally finished surgery and came out to discuss the situation with Kevin, my dad and myself. They explained that the surgery went 'as planned', and that they were now going to watch her for the next 3-4 days, specifically focusing on ensuring she received sufficient oxygen to the brain, and that the pressure on the brain caused by the swelling did not exceed the levels they wanted to maintain. Tara was kept on a ventilator to ensure she was breathing. Tara was in a coma. Kevin's parents drove up to be with Kevin and they stayed in a hotel near the hospital. My father and I drove back to Tara/Kevin's townhouse, and my father and my mom stayed with Kiera that night.

On Saturday, the pressure on Tara's brain increased beyond 20, which was a level the Doctors did not want to maintain. They then put her on a barbiturate drug to induce an extremely deep coma. This drug basically shuts down the brain, as well as other functions of the body such as the bowels. The reason for doing this is to decrease the activity in the brain with the hope of reducing the swelling. The good news is that this drug had the intended effect, and her brain pressure was reduced to around 14-15.

On Sunday Tara was still in the same state, and she will likely continue in this state until the Doctors determine to take her off the drug. Once the doctors take her off the drug, it will take up to 72 hrs to flush itself out of her system. After that period, then the Doctors can begin to assess Tara's recovery options. So, we expect that it will not be until next weekend, or early next week (the 12th) before we can determine how she was impacted by the brain damage caused in the accident. After the drug wears-off, the Doctors will either wait for her to (a) regain consciousness and assess her mental capabilities, or (b) if she doesn't regain consciousness, begin to administer some reaction tests to determine her current brain function.

My mom and dad (Sandra and Jim), as well as Kevin's mom and dad (Jay and Elaine) will be taking turns helping Kevin watch Kiera this week. I certainly understand that the distraction of taking care of Kiera helps all of them cope with the situation, rather than allowing them to focus on the negative possibilities.

For those of you who have a medical background, or want to look items up on the internet, the following are the various injuries she has received.

Brain - Subarachnoid Hemorrhage, Subdural Hematoma, Depressed Skull Fracture, multiple Brain Contusions
Face - Orbital Fractures, Maxillary Fractures
Lungs - Pulminary contusion

I'll keep you posted throughout the week if anything changes, or if more information becomes available. Please continue to pray for Tara, and her family, as I know you have all been doing.

Thanks

Why a blog for Tara

As many people know, Tara had a terrible accident on March 2nd, 2007. Many family and friends have asked to be kept up-to-date on her recovery. We thought a blog would be a better way to convey her status, and allow others to post their own comments/replies. Hopefully all of you who read this agree.

Everyone in Tara's extended family (me, Karen, Jim, Sandra, Kevin, Kiera, Jay, Elaine) have been overwhelmed with the support and prayers from all the great people Tara has touched in her life. We all are extremely grateful for all the offers of help and support, and we appreciate all the prayers everyone has been lifting up to God in support of Tara's recovery.

Thanks - Eric